Are you calling me cheap? (hopefully!)

Growing up, I had big dreams. House on the beach, luxury cars, exotic vacations, wild shopping sprees, unlimited amounts of money. Those things were foreign to me, because we were poor. Really poor. Strange how those things are still foreign to me, and I no longer consider myself poor.

Somewhere, in the very farthest places of my imagination, I still hold on to those dreams. They will never materialize, and I'm not even sure I would want them to anymore. I think it would complicate my life, and I have grown accustom to simplicity. With that said, one of those ridiculous dreams I still hold out hope for is the ability to eat out for every meal. I LOVE to eat out. It never gets old. I can eat out every day of the week and not tire of it. And, I do not discriminate. I love all types of restaurants: Mexican, fancy-shmansy, Subway, steak houses, Olive Garden, salad bars, Baja Fresh, local hole-in-the-wall-Mom-and-Pop-types. You name it and I have probably eaten there (or have plans to).

Problem with this type of lifestyle is the money to back it. In order to feed my habit (pun intended), I have sacrificed in other areas of my life. I NEVER buy new clothes/shoes/accessories for myself. I have given up pedicures and trips to the salon (I get my hair cut like once a year). And quite frankly, I have become somewhat of a train wreck fashionably speaking. And I've tired of it. I'm sick of the battles I have almost daily with my closet and my mirror. I yell and scream at them for not producing better results, when I am the only one to blame.

So recently, I decided that I had to find other ways to cut back. I needed to find a way to maintain my love affair with dining out, while replacing the yoga pants that clothe me 23 hours out of the day (just long enough to shower and put them back on). My solution: cut my grocery bill in half.

My first thought was to force my family to live on Ramen, but because I am such a kind mother/wife, I decided against that. Next was to confront my fear of coupons and dive into the freakish world of couponing. I know, "freakish" seems like a harsh word, but couponers always seemed cheap, strange, lower class. Plus I HATED clipping coupons. I would clip, they would expire. I would clip, they would get lost. I would clip, I would forget to use them. So I avoided them. Like the plague. Until about 3 weeks ago.

I dove in. With help from the couponing website of one of my girlfriend's, FabuLESSlyfrugal.com, I took the plunge. And I realized, like I do with most of my irrational fears/judgements, that all of my preconceived notions were wrong, and couponing was, well, fabuLESS!

I'm still getting the hang of things, but in a 2 week period, I saved over $150 (and I'm a novice!). My rules were simple: I would never buy anything I would not normally use just because I had a coupon, and I would not change my family's eating habits to adapt to the coupons. I haven't broken a rule (although I have picked up a few things I have never tried before because I got them for FREE!) Now I am obsessed with finding the best deals, and I get an almost euphoric feeling when I have saved a ridiculous amount of money. Below is a picture of one of my first coupon shopping trips. I spent about $28 for everything you see. And, although I felt like I was stealing, there was no shoplifting involved. Honest.
Crazy, huh? I had to go to 2 different stores, but it was worth it. Also, I know it seems like a lot of junk, and nothing healthy. But on my next trip I picked up meats, veggies and fruits that were all on sale. So there is a balance. And yes, it does take extra work. It took me about an hour to organize this shopping trip, but I saved over $100 (to put it in perspective, before I would have spent almost $28 on the soda and Aveeno cleansing pads alone!). And if that wasn't incentive enough, knowing that I could then turn around and guiltlessly use that money to get my next restaurant fix, well that was well worth it. Souper Salad, here I come.....

One of these things is not like the other....

We love both of our girls equally (I am fully aware, based on her fabulous mullet among other homeless qualities, this picture does not make it seem that way. But rest assured, they are each dressed and presentable before we step out of the house. Claire just looks like this after about 5 minutes. What's a mom to do short of duct-taping her hands to her side. Actually, hmmm). So, after interviewing Cora, it was Claire's turn. It was, in true Claire fashion, a disaster.

Me: Can I interview you?

Claire: What?

M: Can I interview you?

C: No.

M: Why?

C: Because.

M: Because why?

C: Because.

M:Okay, what are some things you like, Claire?

C: Mommy and Desi (not to be confused w/ daddy) and to play w/ Play Dough and other stuff.

M: Like what?

C: Knock, knock.

M: What?

C: Say who's there.

M: Oh right, who's there.

C: Ach.

M: Ach-who?

C: Ha ha.

M: That was pretty funny Claire. Now can I ask you a few more questions?

C: No.

M: Why?

C: Because.

M: Because why?

C: Because.

M: Right. What is your favorite thing to eat?

C: Um, food (pretty much right on the money) and a samwich. And mustachios (aka, pistachios).

M: What is your favorite song?

C: If You're Happy and You Know (she never says "It" and I'm not sure why?) -She begins singing it while doing the actions to "I'm a Little Teapot."

M: What do you want to be when you grow up?

C: Um, um, um. I want to play Dora Bingo.

M: But what do you want to do for a job?

C: Be a go go (I would have passed out if she had added "dancer").

M: WHAT?

C: Knock, knock.

M: Who's there?

C: Mickey Mouse's underwear. Ha ha. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Um, do you want a question?

M: You want to ask mommy a question?

C: Yep.

M: Okay.

C: Ummmmm. Ummmm. Do you like food?

M: (To myself I said, "Have you seen my thighs.") Um, yes. Mommy likes food very much.

C: Okay, you're done (she says as she walks away).

M: Wait Claire, can I ask you a few more questions.

C: (ignores me)

M: Claire?

C: (ignores me)

M: Okay, I guess this interview is over.

Out of the Mouth of Cora-1 Year Later

Last year I interviewed Cora (see this). One year later, let's see how things have changed:

Me: Can I interview you?

Cora: Interview? Like I have to go somewhere with a briefcase? Okay.

M: Not quite. I'll just ask you some questions right here if that is okay.

C: If you insist (seriously, this is how she talks sometimes).

M: What are some things you like?

C: I like my mommy and daddy. And I like little piglets and books. And squirrels. And I like to play with my friends and I like, well, I think that's all.

M: What is your favorite food?

C: I like orange chicken and rice and beans. And I like Kung Fu Panda (aka. Panda Express).

M: What do you want to be when you grow up?

C: Hmmm. I probably want to work at McDonalds, but if I can't then maybe I'll work at Burger King. Or I know, I could work at Wal-Mart. Or maybe be a nurse.

M: A nurse would be nice (I said as I crossed my fingers and silently swore to love my daughter, regardless of the profession she chooses). So, what is your favorite TV Show?

C: SpongeBob, because he is AWWWESOME! And he is a little sponge that talks and lives in a pineapple for his house.

M: If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go?

C: I would go to Alabama to see my Nana and Papa.

M: How would you get there?

C: Fly a plane.

M: You would fly the plane?

C: You're silly. A pilot would do it for me. He would fly me right over my neighborhood to their house.

M: What is your favorite song?

C: Smoke (by Natalie Imbruglia-it is on a burned CD of mine, and for some reason she has become obsessed w/it?) or Love Story by Juliette (aka. Taylor Swift).

M: What is your favorite thing to do?

C: Draw pictures of my family and play outside, you silly squirrel. And that is what I would be doing if you would stop asking me questions and please let me go.

M: Okay, you're done. Run free little one.

C: Bye squirrel.

Dear Webster.....

I believe there was a slight error in the most recent edition of your very useful dictionary. I looked up the word CLARIFY and this was what I found:

Pronunciation:

\ˈkler-ə-ˌfī, ˈkla-rə-\

Function:

verb

1 : to make clear or pure
2 : to free of confusion
3 : to make understandable

With all due respect, as you have been successfully aiding many Americans with proper grammar, tense, and word usage for years, you are wrong. Dead wrong. Please let the following help guide you to a more accurate definition of the word.

To CLAIREify:
(Because you would never want the first broken glass to be lonely.)

To CLAIREify:
(Before I went to the bathroom, the cookie sleeve on the right looked a little more like the sleeve on the left.)

To CLAIREify:
(There are, of course, 3 more deep gashes in close proximity to this one on our dining room table.)

To CLAIREify:
(What I get for not allowing her to play with knives.)

Webster, meet Claire:
If you are not fully convinced, not to worry. We still have a few more hours until bedtime.....

No words necessary

You don't need to say it, I know what you are thinking. And yes, if you beg enough, I might let you borrow it.

I've got nothin'...

I need to post. I feel the urge. But I'm drawing a blank. No new pictures to share. I have nothing of excitement to report. I'm not in a writerish mood. Yet, here I sit anyway. I have no idea where this post is going, or if it will even be worth the effort it takes to type it. But, because it is already the 6th day and I have March posts totaling ZERO, I must press on.

I played in a volleyball tournament last night. We were almost the come-back kids, except we didn't quite come back. So the title doesn't fit. We played 5 hard games and I realized something. These legs aren't what they used to be. My ankle is still swollen from when I sprained it and tore the tendon (and with it, a bit of cartilage), and that blasted meniscus in my knee is still messed up from 4 months ago. I was practically limping around the court. And when the final game ended (curse you rally scoring!), my serving arm ached, my lower back hurt and something had popped/pulled in my shoulder. But I woke up this morning and taught my cardio class right on schedule. Because I'm not even 30 yet, and I can still bounce back, right? Right?

And speaking of being 30 (how’s that transition from one useless topic to the next? Smooth, huh!), my friend Krista is no longer. She is now 31, having celebrated a birthday yesterday. You probably don't know her, but you should. She's crafty, hilarious and the most amazing photographer. Not only do we share a love for the New Kids on the Block (yes, she too will be one of the lucky ones cruising the high seas with them in a few short months!!!!), but we both love candy. A lot. That combination will make us soul sisters for life. Anyway, in honor of her birthday yesterday, Rachel and I presented her with the most beautiful cake I have ever laid eyes on. See it here.

And if that cake did not make you green with envy, the knowledge that I get to slip into a metallic gold MC Hammer costume for a church talent show tonight should. Those are all the details I can reveal right now. Check back tomorrow for what I can only assume will be the most amusing pictures you have seen in a while.

That's all I've got my friends. Perhaps the most pathetic post ever. I'll do better next time. I promise.