Defeated.

I was. Yesterday. I tried not to show it. Or to even think it. But Yesterday kicked the crap out of me.

Could have been that I refused to believe I was as sick as I was (I hate medication, but man was it a lifesaver). Could have been that getting off my workout routine these past few summer months has left my thighs a little bigger than I would like them. Could have been that I fed my kids mac and cheese (and ate some too, which might actually be the culprit concerning those larger than life thighs!). Could have been that my closet is a disaster zone and I do not have the mental strength to even know where to begin. Could have been that I silently sobbed inside when my husband, my saving grace in times like these, rode off on his motorcycle (even knowing he was heading to work to keep food on the table did not help). Could have been that my ears wouldn't stop ringing. Could have been that my girls didn't make it to bed until after 10:30. Could have been that I checked my bank account. Could have been that I accomplished absolutely nothing of importance. Could have been for no reason at all.

Regardless, by the end of the day I felt worn down. Beat up. Done. But oddly I didn't cry. Didn't shed a tear the whole day. Maybe I sensed that today would be great. Maybe in the back of my mind I was begging and pleading with today to be great.

My ears are still ringing. My bank account still empty. My closet still looks like a tornado plowed through it. But who cares. Strangely not me. Not even a little.

I spent the afternoon at a neighborhood pool with a group of amazing women. We met at the gym a few years back. One of the girls has washboard abs. One of the girls puts Barbie to shame. One of the girls makes more money in a few months than we will all year. But they are such a down to earth bunch. Looking at them you would never think it, but they are the most nonjudgmental group of women I know.

We are always talking about how strong women are in general and how we have the ability to gain so much strength from each other. But often we choose to pit ourselves against each other; comparing the cleanliness, the size, the value of our house to our neighbors. Sizing up our boobs, our stretch marks and our pant size. We are rarely content to be just who we are.

I play that game too. All too often. It is easy to get wrapped up in and easy, after being around this group of women, to remember how silly it is. I am grateful that I have women in my life like that. They keep me in check and remind me that this body, this 149 pound (as of my doctors appointment yesterday, pre-chocolate shake and mac and cheese dinner), size 8 on a good day-10 on a bad day body is good enough.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it Yesterday.

A word to the wise...

Camera is still lost. Sad, pictureless time in our house. But, the blog has been neglected for too long. That leaves us with a few snippets of conversation in our house over the last week.

Last night as I sat in agonizing pain, clutching my ear:

Me: Husband, I think my eardrum is going to explode. Seriously, the pressure is so great. What do we do if it explodes?

Mark: Amber, eardrums don't just explode.


Today at the first non-OBGYN doctors appointment I have had in, well, I can't even remember:

Doctor: Well, I'm glad you came in. If you would have waited any longer that ear drum would have exploded.

Me: Do you mind repeating exactly what you just said when my husband gets here?


Claire likes to make up songs. She sings all the time. Mostly to herself, but she doesn't really care if you decide to listen in. Made up songs are the best. Especially when you haven't quite mastered the importance of correct syllable emphasis.

Claire: The family is outSIIIIDE. We are p-LAYING. Cora is 'n A HOLE. Cora is 'n A HOLE. Cora is 'n A-HOOOOLE (luckily her accidentally vulgar slip was heard only by myself and the birds).


Explaining to Cora and Claire why I have no voice:

Me: I have a virus in my body and it causes my body to do strange things.

Cora: What's a virus?

Me: Like a bug.

Claire: You have a ladybug inside you?

Me: No Claire, like a sick bug. Mommy is sick like when you have a cold.

Cora: Well maybe tomorrow you will have "a warm" and feel better.

Me: Maybe.


Complaining that there was such constant pressure I felt like my head was going to explode:

Cora: If you don't have a head no one will want to be your friend. But I will be your friend. So you will have one friend.

Me: What about daddy? Will he still be my friend?

Cora: No he would go find a lady who still had a head and they would be married.

Note to self: give in and take medication before head explodes and ruins perfectly good marriage.

Hell Froze

It was a slow freeze. It took a month.

Let me first begin by saying I hate salesman (if you are one, no offense. Just not my cup of tea!). And if hate is the word I use for salesman, despise would be accurate to describe my feelings towards multi-level marketing "schemes." Don't get me wrong, I think the idea behind them is genius. Remove all overhead and dangle the promise of thousands of dollars in front of people, while asking them to act as free advertising and the voice of your company. You make money, they make money. Everyone is happy, right? Usually not. The system is flawed because 9.9 times out of 10, the product is a joke. People cough up a ton of money as an initial investment and everyone leaves with a bitter taste in their mouths.

With that said, why then did I approach a multi-level marketing company (not the other way around) and eagerly ask to jump on board? I'll explain.

A few months ago I was feeling especially guilty about how much junk my daughters were consuming. BBQs, b-day parties and family gatherings all equal, cake, candy, goodies, ice cream, chips and nutritionally worthless food galore. Sure I tried to add balance by providing fruits and veggies at every meal, but I felt that effort was futile. There had to be more I could do. So I hit the Internet. I started by Googling "alternatives to children's vitamins." then I plugged in a variety of dietary supplements that a few of my friends gave to their kids: Juice Plus and Mona Vie. In doing so, I stumbled upon a product called Jus (pronounced juice).

What peaked my interest most was the ORAC rating (Oxygen Radical Absorbency Capacity or how much your body is actually absorbing and not just peeing out!). It was in the 8,000 range, 8 times its nearest competitor. And then I remembered one of my girlfriends telling me about it a few months ago. Her son suffered from severe asthma. Too many close calls and hospital trips later, he became a walking medicine cabinet. Steroids, inhalers, breathing treatments, pills, creams; his poor little 3-year-old body was chalked full of harmful medications with horrible side effects. She heard about Jus, put him on it and 2 months later he was off EVERY medication and has not had an attack since.

When she was telling me this months ago, I was practicing selective listening. I was concerned for her son and grateful she had found an alternative to medication, but I did not have sick kids. So I toned out the part about Jus. She was not selling the product. Her family was just taking it, so we never talked about it again. Until I found it on the Internet.

So I called her up, put my family on it and have not looked back. IT IS AMAZING! I won't go into all the details, but it is a drink that looks and tastes quite like grape juice. It is a blend of 23 "super foods" and is chock full of antioxidants. I have seen amazing changes personally, but my favorite change has been in my girls. THEY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT ALL THE TIME! Claire had been going through a phase where she was getting up hour after hour at night. I was beginning to lose my mind. I didn't really notice the correlation at first, but then I forgot to give her the Jus one day and that night she was up every few hour. The next day I gave it to her and she slept like a baby. So I took her off the next day just to see what would happen and sure enough, up all night. I am sold.

I think the stuff is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and my kids are healthy. A friend of ours has a little girl the same age as Cora. McKenna has eczema like I have never seen before. Two weeks ago they were over at our house and the girls were going to play outside. I began putting sunscreen on them and when I got to McKenna, I couldn't find a patch on her skin to apply it. She had gaping open, bleeding wounds ALL OVER HER BODY. Every inch of skin I touched was rough like sand paper and my heart broke for her. My husband actually suggested that they try to put her on Jus, just to see what it could do for her. It is all natural, so it couldn't hurt.

They just came over again last night. He has been giving McKenna Jus for 2 weeks. I again went to apply sun screen and was shocked at what I found. She did not have an open wound on her body. She still had eczema, but as I applied the sunscreen I felt soft, little girl skin. Her dad said he will never take her off Jus.

I could go on for days about why I love it, but I haven't showered today so I suppose I should go do that instead. Just let me know if you are interested in hearing me go off about it further. I won't shut up if you'll let me. So you know how to reach me. I'm not going to try to suck you into the multi-level marketing side, but I do think this product actually merits me turning a blind eye to that. And for those who know me well, that is saying a lot!

Lost and found

I have been a bit neglectful in regards to the whole blogging world lately. I have not posted on mine, nor have I been reading or commenting on yours. I feel strangely disconnected. Often, blogging is the only adult interaction I get in a day (is it classified as interaction if I am reaching out to you from behind a computer screen?).

The reasons are simple: I have been ridiculously busy, and I have lost my camera. My calendar is allowing a brief opening for me to pause and catch my breath before full chaos resumes, so now would be the perfect time to post glorious stories of my recent adventures. Blast that MIA camera! Puts a kink in everything.

So you are stuck with some old, random photos I found in a mislabeled file.
So many things about this photo make me laugh; not the least of which is her ability to transform a shirt into a makeshift jacket. Nice touch Claire. Also, holy cow child, you are bald.
I think this look was in indication of things to come that I chose to ignore. She just looks devious and I should have put her on Craig's List promptly.
This one on the other hand managed to grow up without me noticing. Doesn't she look so tiny here. Now she is a full fledged girl. She even lost her chubby cheeks (I'm still waiting to lose mine).
And this picture blows my mind because all these little people are no longer little. None of them are babies. They belong to a few of my good friends. We each own 2 of them and will not be adding any more to our broods. That means all those cute little toes and feet you see will soon be walking into preschool. Our babies are preschoolers and our first born will be, gasp, kindergartners.

How did this happen? When did Cora start preferring Hanna Montana over Dora (for the record, she is not allowed to watch Hanna Montana yet, but begs every day)? Soon she will start saying things like "syke," and chasing boys. I'm not ready for that. I need her to stay little until I can come to terms with having a defiant little being to deal with. I am fearful that paybacks are in order, and she might be a bit of a handful. And by "might" I mean "will."

But it sure is fun to look back on their itty bitty days and remember how dang cute they were!