You're Gonna Hear Me Roar

We listen to music, loud music, every morning while my daughters are rubbing sleep from their eyes and I'm helping them find arm holes and pull on wayward socks. Claire says it pumps up her day. Exactly.

On this morning's play list was Roar, the latest song by Katy Perry that will certainly sound like nails on a chalkboard momentarily once it's played on continuous rotation on every last radio station in the city. It's what Katy's best at. She sings a catchy song that I like for about half a day and everyone else in the country likes constantly for the next 6 months. But I digress. Because this post isn't about Katy. Well it is, but it isn't. It's about the fact that Katy made me think (stay with me here). Leave it to a Katy Perry song lyric to invoke deep thoughts on a Monday morning. My brain hurts already.

"I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." That's what Katy sang to at me this morning. And those words just kept on rolling around in my head. Bouncing around. Taking up space. Making me wonder if you knew what I stand for.

Probably not. Because I'm quiet about it on purpose.

I like to appease people. I like everyone to get along. I'm not a pushover by any means, but I can almost always find common ground and diffuse a potentially confrontational or uncomfortable situation. I've always been able to argue both sides of most debates, because I have the uncanny ability to crawl into the perspective of the opposite side. What you believe might not make any sense, but I can often see what drives you to believe that way. What causes you to say what you do. What's at the core of what makes you tick. And I can respect that or not, but I've found a way to pander to it.

I want you to like me. Trust me when I say the people who say they don't care what others think are the ones who care the most. We care. It might not shape what I do or how I dress or what I believe, but who doesn't want people to think they are awesome. So in an effort to keep people happy and to avoid ruffling feathers and to steer clear of conversations on politics/religion/cats, I've kept the core of what I believe to myself.

There are those of you who know me, all of me, and like me in spite of it. But you are few in numbers. I'm vocal and opinionated on certain topics publicly, but lean towards the politically correct option of bottling unpopular opinions. Not today. Katy's driven me to speak. I want you to know what I stand for. What I truly believe.

You can love it. You hate it it. You can be indifferent about it. You can choose never to speak to me again because of it. It won't matter. I'm not trying to start arguments or debates. It's not open for discussion. This is who I am and what I believe:

I'm not religious. I'm spiritual. I believe in God (I think) and I believe in being kind and that's it. I was raised Mormon, and believe wholeheartedly that there is a wealth of amazingness and goodness in that religion. But there are also things taught/preached/supported in the LDS religion that I am vehemently against and I cannot stand for. I am not Mormon. I will never be again. Ever. I do not believe in organized religion.

I believe that love is what matters. Who you love should not. I believe that heterosexual couples long ago made a mockery of the sanctity of marriage that so many are fighting to preserve. The divorce rate and Kim Kardashian proves that. But I also believe that marriage is amazing and everyone and anyone should have the opportunity to experience it. Marriage is what you want it to be. I wanted to take my husband's last name and I wanted to marry a man and I wanted to settle down and make a life together. Marriage is cultural and spiritual and universal. It is a public way of screaming from the rooftops, "I love this person and only this person and I've chosen them." What you do with that marriage after those papers are signed is up to you. Marriage is what you make of it, but I believe you have the right to marry whomever you choose. And I certainly don't think anyone should look down on you or judge you or hate you because of it. Do you love them? Are you willing to work everyday and fight everyday through thick and thin and ugly for your marriage? If you answered yes to both, then you deserve to be husband and wife, or wife and wife, or husband and husband.

In an ironic statement following that last pro same-sex marriage rant, I also love chivalry. I like that my husband is strong and a provider for our family and fiercely protective and opens doors for me and knows how to change a tire and build a fire. I love to be taken care of like that. And you might not, and you might think that's a totally anti-feminist point of view and that it makes me seem weak and dependent. But I don't care. This post isn't about you.

I think politics are stupid. I don't subscribe to a party because I think that somewhere through the years, they've all lost their way. Absolute power corrupts absolutely or something like that and now it's all my dog is bigger than your dog. I feel very disenchanted by every political speech. I think there are so few politicians that actually have my best interest at heart; so few who actually speak truths. I think government sticks their nose where it shouldn't be. We've essentially stripped the American people of the need or desire to fend for or even think for themselves. We are enablers breeding enablers. The end result is sheer catastrophe. I think the entire government needs to be overhauled. We need to start from scratch. I feel helpless because of the direction our country is going some days, but other days I'm content to live in my happy little bubble unaffected by all of it. Pathetic, but otherwise the anxiety can be crippling.

I believe in the death penalty. I didn't used to buy into that eye for an eye thing. Then I had kids. You hurt one hair on their heads and I will end you.

I don't think someone should have the right to tell us what we can and cannot do with or to our bodies unless we are harming someone else. Like go smoke all the pot you want and get fall-off-your-bar-stool drunk, but get behind a wheel and put someone else's life in jeopardy and I think you should pay for it. Big time.

That thought process lends itself to my thoughts on abortion, which won't be popular. If a woman is raped, she should absolutely, no questions asked be allowed to end that pregnancy. Period. And I don't think anyone has a right to judge her. She's been through enough. Now if a woman chooses to make stupid choices that result in pregnancy, that's a different matter. Your choices have resulted in the creation of a life and because of it, some of your choices should be taken away. This is where it gets tricky though because I've carried beautiful healthy babies full-term inside me and felt them kick and felt them alive before their 1st breath. Changes your perspective on everything. I don't like abortion. Hate it in fact, but I think before we allow a woman to get an abortion they should have to sit through a video that shows a baby's life cycle in the womb and then another video about the amazing world of adoption. Then and only then, once they are fully educated about their choices, I think 1st trimester abortions should be allowed because the baby cannot survive outside the womb. (Do you hate me yet?) Never 2nd or 3rd trimester abortions. Ever. See what I said about not popular. I'm not out to make friends today.

Speaking of friends. I have some. Not many close ones and that's on purpose. It's not that I don't think this world is full of amazing people. I just don't have the time or energy or resources to be true friends with many of them. And if I divide those resources on a hundred acquaintances, I'm left spent and without the ability to be a true friend to my true friends. Got it? I have also learned that there are so few genuine people in this life. I'm guilty of that. I'm pretty sure I'm not who you think I am. I'm quite selfish and wildly inappropriate. We all put on shows. It's the human way. No judgement here. But taking the time to get to the guts of who a person truly is usually takes time (a lot of time), and then 9 times out of 10 they aren't who they seem to be and it's all been a waste. The reverse is also true and you waste time digging down to the heart of who I am only to discover I'm not the Amber you thought I was or you wanted or needed me to be. I don't think that limits my happiness or prevents me from getting to know awesome people, I think it allows me to cherish the friends I do have and grow and develop the friendships that are important to me. I am a loyal, solid friend because of that.

So there you have it. All of the convictions and beliefs and opinions I share make me happy. And if they ever stop making me happy, I'd stop believing them. They might not make you happy. They might even make you sad or angry or dumbfounded. All of the jumbled convictions above might make you hate me. But I don't care. That's who I am and you can take it or leave it. It was just important to me that you know where I stand.

If you don't like it, you can take that up with Katy Perry.