All you need is love

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold. Who knows how to love you, without being told." Soulmate, Natasha Bedingfield
As I was walking down the aisle 8 years ago today, my thoughts were not on the family that lined my side. Not on the friends who traveled thousands of miles to celebrate with us. Not on the grass that tickled my toes through my hidden Doc Martin sandals. My thoughts were not on the cracked, gray chairs that should have been white and wooden as promised. Not on the tears that threatened to wreck an hours worth of make-up preparation. Not on the ridiculously perfect weather or the crisp blue sky. Not on the wind that picked up and reeked havoc on my perfectly planned out center pieces. Not on the music that wouldn't start or the glare that the sun would cause in all of our pictures or the arbor that would have been positioned behind us as I stood to say "I do" had the wind not knocked it over, smashing it to pieces. Those things never crossed my mind. My thoughts were on him. Standing there, watching me.

I wondered what he was thinking. Was he worried that he was making a mistake? That this walk down the aisle would eventually make us a statistic? Was he concerned that settling in Boise to lay a foundation for our future family wasn't the best idea, because it meant transferring roots that had always been solidly planted in Alabama? Was he worried that we would fight to much? Not communicate when when we needed to? Was he afraid that we were too young? Too immature? Too naive? Or standing there did he believe, as I did, that none of that mattered. The only thing that was important to me in that moment was the look on his face. The look that told me he was sure and that he loved me and he knew that would be enough. And it has been.

When my father was killed, he sat with me on our living room sofa for hours. We talked on and off about my father and about the baby I was carrying that he would never know and about how people ever come to terms with death and the unfairness of it all. I did not know how to get off that couch and make my life normal again. He told me that we just figure out how to get through the next hour and we would eventually get through the next day and the next month and the next year. He was so sure that everything would be okay. And so I believed him.

In my 11th hour of unnecessary labor, as he stood helplessly by my side, he had that same unwavering look on his face. Even though I was beginning to doubt myself, he did not. He might have been scared, but he was strong and sure. And then, so was I.

No one ever told him how to love me. He just knew. It might not always be a perfect love and he might not always remember how to express it, but there has never been a day in our 8 years of marriage that I ever doubted it. I know that makes me one lucky girl. And one happy girl too. Because it is so easy to be happy when you are married to someone like Mark. And it is so much fun. I have loved these last eight years of my life, and am so glad I have had him by my side to share them with.