I saw a woman walking into Target today. She was gorgeous. And seemed flawless. Like the type that inserts a worn out dollar bill into a soda machine and watches as it sucks it in on her first try. She was wearing makeup that made it look like she wasn't wearing makeup and her hair was styled in casually messy curls I would have to pay $40 at the salon to fake. And she was wearing what I can only assume were Rock and Republic or Big Star jeans (I had pocket envy!). And she had creased pants. As in, she ironed them. It made me giggle. I mean, who has the time?
But deep down, that giggle masked a lot. I want to be that put together. I might have even owned a big fat can of starching spray before I traded in Banana Republic for Toaster Strudels and my 9 to 5 for Butt Paste. But I don't even think I could fake that look anymore. I think it would be laughable.
I am pretty much frumpy 90% of the time. I prefer to call it comfortable, because that other F-word makes me want to cringe. Because I swore that would never be me. But it is. And today, for some reason, I can't shake that. So much so that I went to the mall and spent an outrageous amount of money on a pair of jeans I will never keep. In fact, I will never even take the tags off of them. But I bought them. And I took them home. And I tried them on again and again. And I ran my fingers over their big fat stitches while mourning the woman I once was. And then I glanced at that $170 price tag and my real life came crashing back into focus. So I folded them back up and put them back in the bag and tried to stop the pathetic ache for material things.
I try to fake it every now and then by getting all dolled up and putting on some eyeliner. And that usually makes me feel better. But today I am just angry that I can't keep those jeans. And I want to throw an all out tantrum before I drag myself back into the Buckle to return them. Because that 1 pair of jeans is the equivalent of almost half our entire monthly grocery budget. And that is the life I chose.
So I guess all I have to say is can you crease yoga pants?
11 comments:
Oh Amber, this is what I needed tonight. I just logged online and was checking the hours of my day...15 non-stop with children. No breaks, a few extra kiddos, too. And I got really cranky about it all. And get this we're not paid for what we do. Somethings wrong about this picture, right? For all we invest in the future of this country by having children who someday will work in this country we should get a wage, right? Anyways, thats why we don't splurge on $200 anything. Wish I looked flawless, too. I resist the desire often to not covet, too. Good luck with that one.
You hit it on the head.
Do you know how many times I have tried to put into writing exactly what you have done? I covet often, everyday as a matter of fact. Why can't I have smooth skin and carefree hair? Or a night without dreams of tummy tucks dancing in my head? You rock and you're not alone!
Amber, I love you. End of story. Oh, except for one thing: the way I cope with coveting is to stay home and not turn on the television. Seriously. It works. But then, oh then, when I HAVE to leave my house, I am sometimes crippled by a covetous anger that overwhelms me. THAT is when I hop on the internet for some good reality checks in the way of my best blogging buddies who make me remember that material things are SO last century.
p.s. Who needs jeans when you can rock yoga pants? Bet that girl was jealous of your comfy, casual cuteness.
So I was at Target today. I bet that lady was me that you saw. hahahahaha!.....riiiigghht. In my wildest dreams. I love this post mainly because I feel that way quite a bit. It's hard not to. We;re surrounded by a society that values material wealth over all else. It's easy to get caught up in. I don't think you're human if you don't. The thing is, you are such an amazing person even without cute butt jeans! (I have a pair for you by the way courtesy of the constant flu!)
What about the green jacket? Maybe we should start an "adopt-a-clothing" program. On a very important side note: while you were coveting the look of that woman another woman (maybe even she) was coveting your look.
Crease yoga pants? haha, thats the best ever Amber! Thanks for sharing...I'm totally there.
We are on the same wave-length. Lately I'm mad because we can't buy a flat-screen to replace our 20 year-old tv which now only gets about 4 channels thanks to the digital switch. And I covet all home-owners. But I could go on and on. Come visit me in PA and I'll take you to our outlets where I can buy Banana jeans for $13...if I hit the sales right. And in a few more years, when the kiddos are off in school, maybe we'll have more time to 'put ourselves together'. Maybe...
i read this last night and did not comment. i needed to sit on it a bit. you have such a way of verbalizing my own thoughts and insecurities and feelings.
you've seen me cave to the jean need. and i don't regret it. because it was a "mommy bonus." but i try so hard to avoid shopping for the reasons you spoke of. my thought is, if i can avoid the mall, avoid target, avoid chic boutiques, then i won't know what i'm missing. christmastime is sooo hard for me. i don't spend a lot on gifts, but i get sucked into the stores and find myself buying myself everything i see. so this year, i'm making gifts. all of them
I agree, good post.
So I guess that you saw me in Target the other day!!! Sorry that I didn't say hi, LOL!!! I miss you so much and just remember that we don't have to look good any more for all of those toothless, smelly Home Federal customers!!! We can just be comfy!
I think I'm going to stop fighting it. I'm a tennis shoe and pony tail wearing person through and through. Even before I had kids. Is that a bad thing?
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