I am a wealth of useless knowledge. I can tell you the birthday of my best friend's high school boyfriend's mother (and for those of you trying to figure that out, yes, it is Todd's mom who, sadly, is no longer with us). I know that John Denver was born in Roswell, New Mexico. I studied the driving manual front to back and got a perfect score when I went to get my driver’s license. I know almost every word to the Disney movie, Aladdin. I can also recite all of the 50 states in alphabetical order, and I know most of their abbreviations and their state capitals. I know things there is very little need to know (don't get me wrong, I am all for knowing how many feet in front of an oncoming car you should dim your brights, but common sense might come in handy there as well).
I used to know things. Important things. Pythagorean theorem things. The reason behind World War II things. The atomic number of Iron things. I scored quite well on my ACTs and SATs. I earned scholarships to college. I was, at one point in my life, a bit smart. Now why do I feel so comfortable tooting my own horn so obnoxiously? Well, because I'm not smart anymore. I might actually venture to say I am borderline stupid on (many) occasion(s).
I'm not sure what went wrong. Did my brain begin to deteriorate the second I shut my last college text book, refusing to absorb another molecule of knowledge and slowly leaking what had already been retained? This is what I was pondering today when, and let the judging commence, I had to actually stop to think about whether England was a country and Europe was a continent, or vice versa. Seriously people. I had to pause and dig deep to come up with an answer.
Need further proof? I forget word definitions or use words incorrectly almost constantly. The other day I said I had a photogenic memory. Yep, my memory looks gooood in front of a camera. I probably couldn't even attempt a Mad Libs anymore because I would have to Google what the difference between an adverb and an adjective is.
So, before I have to officially change my name to Jessica Simpson, I thought I had better take some form of action, in fear the occasional glimpse of dumbness will turn into downright moronic stupidity. Therefore, I give you my New Year's resolution: to learn.
That's it. Just one. I'm keeping it simple this year (Have you not been listening? My pea-sized brain cannot handle much more!).
I want to study, seek out, read up on and essentially, become enlightened. Maybe I will try a few algebra problems, take in a New York Times crossword puzzle every now and then. Heck, might even attempt a second language. Regardless of what knowledge I acquire (and note I said acquire, not retain), I am just giddy about the process. This might be one New Year's Resolution I actually keep. Because if I don't, you might find me arm in arm with Bret Michaels, having beat out all the other bimbos on Rock of Love (I know, I know. I'm gonna need to bleach my hair, take up drinking, unlearn all of the 50 states and get a boob job first).
8 comments:
ME TOO! Except I didn't know all the things you knew at first. So I think that means I . . . remained dumb.
Now that I am done with school my brain does feel like it's dying. I think thats why God gives us (meaning other people) kids. When our (meaning others) kids go to school we (meaning others) have to re-learn everything in order to help them with their homework. Oh dear, there is no hope for me since there are no kids in my near future. I guess if I have kids they are going to your house for help on their homework.
For the record - you are in no way dumb.
I used to be smart too...graduated with a 4.0 and also had scholarships to college. However, I'm too am now stupid. But I'm blaming it on my children. JD learned in dr. school that having children actually kills brain cells. I had 3 children at once, I think I could get an official diagnosis of stupid.
case in point...I just said in my previous comment "I'm too am now stupid". There's no hope for me...
so you were a SMARTY PANTS HEY GOOD FOR YOU.
So we missed you last night. You should of came back with out the husband. I needed a make a foul of your self partner! We could have ribbbed up a rug or two. Mikeal and I were the only dancers. I missed you!
kim
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! It's one of the reasons my 29th year resolution (I make resolutions on my birthday, not on New Year's Day) is to read more.
I blame it on the kids, too (like everything else). And I dread the day Saylor's homework becomes too hard for me to do (next year, I'm guessing, as she's already up to adjectives). She brought home math homework (a subject I once won a state-wide contest for, mind you) a couple weeks ago that really made me think. And think. It was embarrassing.
Your opening line made me laugh, because this morning in the shower (where I do all my deep thinking) I was wondering why I can remember Michelle's birthday and her husband's birthday, but I can't remember when to use a semicolon other than like this ;) . One theory is that really it's ALL useless information for the most part. I mean, when's the last time you needed to find a square root as you were cooking or cleaning?
I'm glad you're taking action, but even if you didn't, you could never be dumb enough to make a boob job and Bret Michaels worth it! Oh, you know what I mean...even if I can't figure out how to word it coherently.
p.s. about the vacuum thing, thought I'd relay what I learned about Dyson (which is what I was leaning toward, too, and had read all sorts of great things about them on the internet):
they are SUPER popular right now because most people have frieze carpet (like us). I don't remember all the cons (there were a few), but I remember the demonstration I watched the vacuum guy do, and it was disturbing. It seriously just pushed the dirt down into the carpet (because with frieze, you can do that and get away with it)! It looked mighty clean until he ran his hand over the carpet a couple times and got out a different kind of vacuum to re-vacuum it. Something to do with the way the head is configured, because the suction is good, but somehow it doesn't matter because of the way the brushes are or something. I wish I would have paid better attention. I just said a silent, "no dyson for me" and moved on. There was so much information being thrown at me. He said that he tries to discourage people from buying Dyson, but some people still just HAVE to have them. Thought I'd let you know, do what you will with that bit of info.
Haha, jus the other day I decided I really need to memorize the presidents of the United States. ;) Truly, we all feel that way from time to time once the stimulation of school (and tests) is gone.
You should seriously check into getting the old Landmark series of books. We used 'em when we homeschooled and I loved them. They are history books but written in such a way that they hold your interest and they're on topics like "The Sinking of the Bismark." I haven't read one in a while but I remember really enjoying them because you can just pick a random topic and learn about it.
you're so funny! I love reading your blog.
One of my goals this year was to read 10 books. I read 13 I think, on all different subjects. I am not normally a reader, except children's books and scriptures, but it was a great adventure. Isn't it fun to think of what is next...
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